Monthly Archives: September 2010

Cupid doesn’t lie…?

      When I was a teenager, that song used to inspire all sorts of warm fuzzy feelings in my little heart. I would dream up romance, whenever the lead singer of 112 used to croon this high love note at the end of one verse….he went NOooooooNo non non non no-cupid doesn’t lie!  One day- I hoped that  I too would experience that earnestness coming from a man.  Him on his knee, me with tears of joy streaking down my face, us together spells commitment.  That never happened…and not to say that it won’t but I’m quite hard-pressed to re-examine my childhood fantasies, now that I’m approaching the epoch of my twenties.  Single and very much afraid of Cupid…lying.

Cupid lies…when I first went away to college with virgin lips I thought maybe this was the forum to meet and greet handsome intellectual men of my liking. Lo and behold, I would end up at an HBCU where the ratio of females to males was 13:1  (and that is no doubt being modest). It was a cesspool of desperation for many. Young girls–innocent and unknowing like myself easily were snatched into debacles that would rival any roman debaucherous love triangle.  Myself was overly neurotic and too “weird” to become too entrenched in the wanton happenings of the loveless. Eventually, I would see all too “typical” things occur . Girls getting in the cars of woodies, who we were warned by the dorm mother not to become involved with. Girls being cycled through fraternities  like the old newspaper. Rumors that grew into truths nine months later. The same ole same ole…and I have still wondered where was sense in all of this?

Trust, I am not totally unscathed.  When I got to my former institution of higher learning , as a freshman, I was totally smitten with this one guy. The usual suspect, tall- though not dark, and handsome (as he appeared then to a young girl who had just been unleashed without forewarning into a den of wolves).  The story as some of you can surmise did not end well, but luckily the better part of my dignity was left in tact and I was able to rebound…better than others who’ve been unfortunate enough to deal with similar situations.

So I’m saying this to say that:

1. Keep your heart and your head

This bit of advice is especially dedicated to the young ones out there…who’ve never before experienced the scourge of relationships…and for some of us old “fools” for love who leap before we look. The pool sometimes is very shallow, so do not jump in until you’ve walked the parameters.  Your heart should be the last thing on the table. Upon  first meeting a  gentleman or a gentlewoman, do take care not to become lost with the eyes  (notice I did not say “in”) and grandeur illusions of romance.  Take a little time, (or rather a chunk) to listen, observe and asses the person you are dealing with. Musings can come later (if they are to come at all) once you’ve determined the nature of the interaction- long term or short term.  So let your brain do the talking not your heart…and much grief will be avoided

2. Cupid Stupid

I remember when that first guy that I ever truly crushed on played the living mess out of me…I was absolutely stunned. I remember speaking to my Father (who did not raise me per say) superficially about the situation and his response was “it seems that you were hit by cupid stupid”. He went on to further tell me that I should focus and not become entangled in the mess of relationships. No doubt coming from a man whose own story would make for an interesting soap opera, he  seemed quite inclined to take the hard line. Yet for those of us out there who have been struck by an inept and incapable mini deity of love  (or flood of hormones at the wrong place and time-directed at the wrong person). We all know the horrors of what “cupid’s” arrows can do, but it is our responsibility to not be victims of fate but welders of our own path.  Cupid will only get stupid if we let him dare think he has the right to assault with an archaic weapon (lol). That nerdiness aside….sometimes sense is fooled by emotions; and we usually can’t help this because we are …human. Mistakes are made and will be made but sometimes prevention is the best cure ( especially when we heed advice from bullet A and take our heads into the game and allow the heart to gradually follow). If an emotion (i.e. love) is instantaneous  do not trust IT!!! Unless, of course, it is for a child or God or someone/ something other than a potential date for Friday night.- (use your discretion).

3. Regroup, Re-energize and Reassess

 Okay so, what if you’ve messed up?

Ish happens…but what do you do? Flush it and move in. Don’t get boggled up in the temporary…Your hormones will still be flowing and your sexual organs will rise again…no pun intended….(the biggest one of course being your brain)

So People, bottom line is Cupid does lie…but a clear mind focuses a wily heart.

Til next time Love…

Waking Up and Realizing You Dont Want to be Alone Anymore

Well, who hasn’t done this.  Or who hasn’t gone to bed pining over the elusive love and wandering when their grand ole ship will sail in. It’s timeless and in some cases gets to be quite pathetic.  It gets to be soo insanely out of control that they’ve made repeated bad movies and sung songs that mirror the same theme  of finding that missing link. Of course in movies, 80% of the protagonists get their gal or guy, but in songs there never really is an ending-simply snapshots into moments when people realize they’ve had “certain” feelings.  I’m a bit temperamental when it comes to love. Sometimes, I’m resigned to remain a stone cold bastion of solitude. Never, would I want to be the weak and driveling mess of a woman that I’ve so often seen around me. Women calling men who used to tell them that they loved them or rifling through fb pictures to see what new chick in the coop.  Or women so desperate that they fling themselves into the arms of any Tom, Dick or Harry. Newsflash…no one will ever love you more than you. For those of you who have found a lover who professes unconditional love and showers you daily with much deserved affection= congratulations; but for those of us who haven’t …starting with self love can’t hurt.

Self-Love, is perhaps, one of the most complicated elements in life many of us will ever have to deal. You are, in essence, in a relationship with yourself: thoughts, actions, emotions etc. The dualistic nature of being is perhaps an age old discussion on the emotionality of humans—and if you buy that life has only a two pronged appeal,  then more power to you ( it sure does make thinking a helluva lot simplistic). Thinking of the negative and positive forces warring in your head is a quick way to rule out the In-betweens .

Fast Forwarding past the musings. If you are ready for love—like I think I somewhat am…in the sense of opening up your little space to accomadate a significant other. The journey will not be fast so don’t be too hasty.  I am beyond a doubt a screener. Once in a while it’s okay to leave the screen at home and go beyond a sentence or three–before deciding this person is not worth your time.

Leave the mental baggage at home…dont bring the self-esteem issues with you to the game zone. That is something that you deal with in training…if you haven’t dealth with it yet…then you’re just not ready. Relish the hunt…A few months ago, I may have been writing about stars lighting up in your eyes when you meet the one; but nay…the game is not as bountiful as one would imagine. There are men…but the type that you want are more than likely in demand (at least if it’s the intellectual, funny, considerate type).

and lastly, admitting to yourself that you’re ready is the first step…putting yourself out there (NOT to be confused with putting out) is the task.  

Lastly, enjoy the moment.

Quick Advice



Do not talk about your sex life. I repeat do not talk about your sex life. There are exceptions that include one’s doctor, therapist, etc; but for the most part you should keep the details private.

In fact, if you keep your sex life just between you and the party that is involved, you may have a healthier sex life.

Is Marriage stupid?

Ok…so there’s this video below. The young man, Jerry, pretty much spells out to viewers his unabashed aversion to the concept of marriage. When I first watched it, all I did was laugh at his vulgarity. The second time I watched I noticed an inconsistency, but please view this yourself: 

His main point is marriage doesn’t change a relationship. It won’t make it better or worse so why do it? He asks, “why get married if you are already my girlfriend, we have sex, etc.?”

The thing is…

If the distinctions such as marriage are irrelevant, why am Inot just a “friend?” Apparently the “girlfriend” title differentiates the relationship. So perhaps “husband” or “wife” is another differentiation that inculcates a different set of beliefs, attitudes, etc.

For some of his reasons, he is right. There is an economic benefit. If one’s boyfriend/girlfriend has wealth and dies, the bf/gf is not entitled to it, even if they were dating for 50 years.

Also marriage just denotes a more intense level of commitment. I mean what’s the difference between a high schooler’s boyfriend and a couple who have been bf-gf for 20 years?

On paper…you have the same thing especially in Louisiana (where Jerry is from) under Napoleonic Code, which doesn’t recognize common law situations.

The funniest part for me is when he starts critiquing weddings saying, ” The guy is just there, and the girl is walking down the isle like she’s the pope.”

He’s right! I think most weddings are overdone and err to ridiculous. I mean really, though? It really is not a fairytale and people need to get real.

On that note, I totally agree with him.

However, life is short so why not celebrate?


Quick Advice

If you keep getting cheated on over and over, then the problem is you.

Consistent patterns of having cheating partners is indicative of something beyond coincidence. Take some time and learn who the person is before getting too involved.

No person deserves to be lied to and cheated on, and it can happen to anyone.

Simply try changing what you look for in a partner. Instead of going for the player or hot girl, try the guy/girl who is more sincere and genuinely cares about you and supports your dreams.

Antoine Dodson—A look at class, race, and sexuality

A shameful google image result

24-year old Antoine Dodson is an internet sensation. He appeared in YouTube videos as a different face of the American experience as black, poor, and homosexual. His video flooded social media and has catapulted him into a household name but at what cost?

I wondered why people were laughing. Are some laughing at him, because he is poor and others because he is a black male and homosexual?

Dodson may have single handedly erupted in me what I find to be a problem in entertainment—its largely simplistic, mindless humor that allows audiences to laugh at others as objects of our fascination and ridicule.

As we sit glued to our computers and televisions laughing at other experiences are we merely feeding our biases?

Moreover, why are these alternative lifestyles so hilarious? Why is it funny that Dodson is gay? Are gay people only the caricatures that we should laugh at and never take seriously?

I respect Dodson for sharing his story about the ills of the inner city, particularly the lack of concern for the attempted rape of a woman by many in the community and the need for strong law enforcement in the inner city in order to foster security for families in Lincoln Park.

It is a shame that for every laugh about the inner city and Dodson’s plea, it has desensitized audiences even more.

My hope is that one day the Dodson family and all American families can live in safety. But I believe that we all have to begin taking stories like Dodson seriously enough to not laugh.