When I was a teenager, that song used to inspire all sorts of warm fuzzy feelings in my little heart. I would dream up romance, whenever the lead singer of 112 used to croon this high love note at the end of one verse….he went NOooooooNo non non non no-cupid doesn’t lie! One day- I hoped that I too would experience that earnestness coming from a man. Him on his knee, me with tears of joy streaking down my face, us together spells commitment. That never happened…and not to say that it won’t but I’m quite hard-pressed to re-examine my childhood fantasies, now that I’m approaching the epoch of my twenties. Single and very much afraid of Cupid…lying.
Cupid lies…when I first went away to college with virgin lips I thought maybe this was the forum to meet and greet handsome intellectual men of my liking. Lo and behold, I would end up at an HBCU where the ratio of females to males was 13:1 (and that is no doubt being modest). It was a cesspool of desperation for many. Young girls–innocent and unknowing like myself easily were snatched into debacles that would rival any roman debaucherous love triangle. Myself was overly neurotic and too “weird” to become too entrenched in the wanton happenings of the loveless. Eventually, I would see all too “typical” things occur . Girls getting in the cars of woodies, who we were warned by the dorm mother not to become involved with. Girls being cycled through fraternities like the old newspaper. Rumors that grew into truths nine months later. The same ole same ole…and I have still wondered where was sense in all of this?
Trust, I am not totally unscathed. When I got to my former institution of higher learning , as a freshman, I was totally smitten with this one guy. The usual suspect, tall- though not dark, and handsome (as he appeared then to a young girl who had just been unleashed without forewarning into a den of wolves). The story as some of you can surmise did not end well, but luckily the better part of my dignity was left in tact and I was able to rebound…better than others who’ve been unfortunate enough to deal with similar situations.
So I’m saying this to say that:
1. Keep your heart and your head
This bit of advice is especially dedicated to the young ones out there…who’ve never before experienced the scourge of relationships…and for some of us old “fools” for love who leap before we look. The pool sometimes is very shallow, so do not jump in until you’ve walked the parameters. Your heart should be the last thing on the table. Upon first meeting a gentleman or a gentlewoman, do take care not to become lost with the eyes (notice I did not say “in”) and grandeur illusions of romance. Take a little time, (or rather a chunk) to listen, observe and asses the person you are dealing with. Musings can come later (if they are to come at all) once you’ve determined the nature of the interaction- long term or short term. So let your brain do the talking not your heart…and much grief will be avoided
2. Cupid Stupid
I remember when that first guy that I ever truly crushed on played the living mess out of me…I was absolutely stunned. I remember speaking to my Father (who did not raise me per say) superficially about the situation and his response was “it seems that you were hit by cupid stupid”. He went on to further tell me that I should focus and not become entangled in the mess of relationships. No doubt coming from a man whose own story would make for an interesting soap opera, he seemed quite inclined to take the hard line. Yet for those of us out there who have been struck by an inept and incapable mini deity of love (or flood of hormones at the wrong place and time-directed at the wrong person). We all know the horrors of what “cupid’s” arrows can do, but it is our responsibility to not be victims of fate but welders of our own path. Cupid will only get stupid if we let him dare think he has the right to assault with an archaic weapon (lol). That nerdiness aside….sometimes sense is fooled by emotions; and we usually can’t help this because we are …human. Mistakes are made and will be made but sometimes prevention is the best cure ( especially when we heed advice from bullet A and take our heads into the game and allow the heart to gradually follow). If an emotion (i.e. love) is instantaneous do not trust IT!!! Unless, of course, it is for a child or God or someone/ something other than a potential date for Friday night.- (use your discretion).
3. Regroup, Re-energize and Reassess
Okay so, what if you’ve messed up?
Ish happens…but what do you do? Flush it and move in. Don’t get boggled up in the temporary…Your hormones will still be flowing and your sexual organs will rise again…no pun intended….(the biggest one of course being your brain)
So People, bottom line is Cupid does lie…but a clear mind focuses a wily heart.
Til next time Love…